Hi. My name is Beatrice Marie Gass and I'm a bad bitch. I know that might sound crass but it really is the only way I can accurately describe myself. I don't have a French accent. That's actually a really unfair racial stereotype that I'm growing quite sick of. Really, don't walk up to me on my afternoon walk and ask me to say idiotic words like "hot dog" or "cuddles" in French. I can't say them. I don't know them. My great, great granddog may have known but I do not. You see, my mom, Katherine, thinks she got me from a nice family in back roads Texas named Venus and Ray. The truth is I'm actually from New York, my real name is Mora Goldstein and I'm Jewish.The Venus and Ray thing was all a facade. I found them on Craigslist and moved in with them after I heard that Texans found it acceptable to use mass amounts of hairspray. I'm really into hairspray. Just don't tell my mom about this, okay? She buys me a lot of stuffed carrots with faces on them and she stopped laughing when I fart. Mainly because it happens so often, but whatever. I like my life with her, and if that means playing along with this "Betty Bug" nickname bull shit then so be it. I'd give up a Bat Mitzvah and the fast talking streets that I was born into for one day riding windows down in her Honda CRV. All sentimental stuff aside, don't cross me. I have really weird teeth that are kind of all over my mouth and I make really cool noises. All of these things considered I can be really intimidating. Like I said, I'm a bad bitch. If this thing makes it big I expect 50% of the profits and license to start wearing sunglasses inside. Enjoy the blog.